Nativity naivety

Loretta Plenkinsop was the newest and youngest teacher at St Gretelburger’s Parish School1. She did not seem to notice that when the principal, Mark Greenbank asked at the staff meeting, “Who would like to direct the Nativity play this year?” all her colleagues – every man and woman – looked down at the table and began to shuffle papers.

Loretta, with the idealism born of innocence and inexperience said she would love to do it. A collective sigh of relief came from the rest of the staff as her offer was unanimously accepted. The first rehearsal was held the next day.

Loretta began with the customary warning. “You must be very good at these practices. Any child who is naughty won’t be allowed to stay.”

“Anna Maria you can be Mary and Damian will be Joseph… Shane will be the innkeeper and the shepherds are… Now everybody has a part.

“No Thomas, you are one of the sheep. You can’t be an elephant – there were no elephants at Bethlehem… How do I know? Well it’s not in the Bible. Of course they didn’t forget to write it in. Don’t be silly…

“Now Damian, you knock on the door and say, “My wife is having a baby. Can we stay here for the night…?” No, the innkeeper won’t let you stay even if you give him some money, I don’t care what your dad said to the motel manager in the holidays…

“The angels can wait at the side until it is time to come in. Ben, you can’t carry a sword… It doesn’t matter that the angels on the war memorial in High Street have swords – you are an angel of peace… Don’t be silly. You won’t be bringing peace by killing all the bad people.

“We’ll start from the beginning – again…

“There’s the bell. Please come here tomorrow as soon as the dinner bell goes.

1. St Gretelburger’s Parish School is in the parish of the same name. The school was founded by the Order of the Sisters of the Magi in 1949 and now has a lay staff. With the help of Federal Government money they are about to build a new combined IT and Herpetological Centre.

St Gretelburger was a Franconian Nun (973-1009) who was generous in dispensing the daily allowance of wine to the peasants who were monastic tenants.

Till the cows come home

October saw the annual debate on the value of daylight saving. Among the Australian states only two, Western Australia and Queensland, fail to indulge in the yearly altering of the clocks.

Dairy farmers are the group that seem to have a legitimate reason to protest against this lacuna between solar and standard time.

Cows arrange their day according to the rising and setting of the sun. Milk must be delivered to the factories as dictated by the hands of the clock.

Charles Kingsley’s tragic poem The Sands of Dee sings of the fate of Mary who was sent to call the cattle home across the above named seaside dunes.

“… the western tide crept up along the sand…
the rolling mist came down and hid the land:
And never home came she.”

It may have been a story with a different ending had the event taken place in Australia when the daylight saving time had begun. (With apologies to the late Mr Kingsley)

“O Mary go and call the cattle home
across the sands of Dee.
Guide them safe through marsh and foam,
It’s nearly half past three.
Do not let them further roam
They need an early tea.”

The art of Partying

Oppositions always say
that the gov’ment of the day
is leading people quite astray.
Those who govern then reply,
“This is but a monstrous lie.”
and proceed to tell us why.
Facts and figures then abound.
(Pollies are for this renowned,
But some go quietly underground).

Democracies were ever thus. How else would newspapers sell? Ancient Greece, no doubt, experience the same healthy signs.

Charles Dickens in Pickwick Papers (1827) recounts the politics of the town of Eatanswill.

“…two great parties divided the town – the Blues and the Buffs. Now the Blues lost no opportunity of opposing the Buffs, and the Buffs lost no opportunity of opposing the Blues; and the consequence was the whenever the Buffs and the Blues met together at a public meeting, town hall, fair or market (no TV panels at that time) disputes and high words arose between them. If the Blues proposed the erection of an additional pump in High Street, the Buffs rose as one man and stood aghast at the enormity. There were… Blue inns and Buff inns – there was a Blue aisle and a Buff aisle in the very church itself.”

We can thank God that even in the heady days of the Labour split, when Catholics were divided on the issues, we never reached the stage of Blue and Buff aisles in our parish churches!

Fr Ron Line